Written by (Some of the details in this homily are provided the Biblical commentator John J Pilch in his ‘The Cultural World of Jesus’. He died in 2016.)
Very few families in our day can be immune from the misunderstandings, tensions, divisions, breakdown, hostility or bitterness that can beset family relationships. Sadly, as we have seen in recent weeks, not even members of the Royal Family are spared such a fate. So does the story of Joseph and Mary, and the circumstances surrounding the birth of their child, have anything practical to say to us especially as our family relationships can be as complicated and messy, or even more so, than theirs?
Unlike here in the UK and many other parts of the world today, marriages in the time of the Holy Family were arranged by parents, and not by the couples themselves. Marriages then usually were to join extended families and not individuals. In this world, the bride did not expect love, companionship or comfort and she would rightfully expect today. In such a rigidly gender-divided world, men and women had very little contact. Both partners realised that their union was arranged for the political or economic advantage of their families and not for their own personal pleasure
The entire marriage process was a ritualised removal of a woman from her family. The groom’s father would offer gifts or services to the bride’s father to win the wife he wanted for his son. The bride’s father would make the final decision. Then the women of both families negotiated the contract to be certain neither family was shortchanged, but it was the patriarch of each family that ratified the contract publicly. When the groom took the bride into his home, the marriage process was completed (see Mt 25:1-12).
In the Gospel today, Matthew 1:18-24, Joseph and Mary were betrothed. A dilemma then faced Joseph when he discovered that Mary was pregnant. St Matthew makes clear that Joseph had no foreknowledge that Mary’s pregnancy was part of God’s plan. Up to this time they would not have had any time alone with each other and any time they did have together would have been in the company of adults. So as far as Joseph was concerned, Mary was carrying another man’s child. The child as not his and he was reluctant to take it.
Under these circumstances, Jewish Law stipulated that Joseph was entitled to seek a formal divorce to break the engagement to Mary. If it found in his favour, his honour and good name would be restored. He would be entitled to return Mary to her father and expose her to punishment.
But Joseph is described by Matthew as a ‘man of honour’ and rather than seek vengeance he decided to go through an informal process of divorce that would spare Mary any further public embarrassment or humiliation. Remember: no one up to this point has any idea of what is really happening – as far as the people of the locality are concerned, Mary is pregnant by another man. But Joseph is compassionate and shows remarkable sensitivity to Mary.
It is at this stage, we are told, that an ‘angel’ spoke to Joseph in a dream. I understand this to simply mean that Joseph came to understand in some strange way what was really happening to Mary.
In that first century Mediterranean world, a woman’s word was never accepted in cases of paternity. Paternity was established by the father. Thus Joseph was told “you must name” the child and once he did so – giving him the name Jesus – Joseph became the legal foster or adopted father of Mary’s child, and Jesus became a member of the dynasty of David.
What does this story of Joseph say to us today?
Although times and social norms were different then, do you think Joseph and Mary (and their families) would have escaped embarrassment and shame over Mary’s pregnancy outside marriage? Would they have had sleepless nights of worry and fear? Would there have been accusations, tears, screaming rows and everything else that such a situation would bring upon couples in our time?
Is it is not comforting and even reassuring to know that it was through such a messy and complicated family crisis that God entered the world in human form to be Emmanuel or God-with-us? As here and in Biblical history, God is often to be found at work in messy, even desperate human scrapes. So, perhaps, the sensitivity, patience and compassion of Joseph, and his willingness to stand by Mary despite everything, does teach us about how we might go about dealing with our own family crises?
Michael Campion
Holy Name, Jesmond
18 December 2022
Sunday Mass: Saturday 4pm, Sunday 10am 